Why I still Await SGR Launch

So, just the other day, Telkom made a comeback with a bang and I felt a strong urge to say 'daaayum!' And here is why (https://youtu.be/igytB4k4oLk)

Critics will chime, Ooooh poor network, ooooh low coverage, oooh ati brand relevance and other hoolabaloo. As much as the company may be having its challenges, some of which I agree need to be taken care of, we should give them credit for beating our 'sweet new SGR' in concept.

For those of us who grew up in the nineties, I can say on behalf of all of my comrades that in those days, the name 'Telkom' was synonymous with a certain gadget, about a kilo in weight, stood on a table in one corner of the room or office, had another strange attachment to it with a mouthpiece and earpiece sides, had buttons under a finger-size sprocket hole that shouted "put your index finger here and spin my friend arrrrround!" We called it the landline.

Nobody would ever associate Telkom with a small gadget the size of two match boxes put together in one's pocket let alone the phone-watch on my friend's wrist now! That, my friends, is how we knew Telkom.

As for my grandmother Sabeti (read Elizabeth) Adisa, may her soul rest in eternal peace; she knew Telkom to mean a red booth in the Bukuga shopping centre with that same gadget (our ol' friend with a sprocket hole that went rrrrrrround), only that this one hung in the booth and the receiver had a longer cable. And you had to keep feeding this guy coins until your conversation was done; sometimes never!

When I saw the introductory portion of the new advertisement for Telkom, I thought to myself, "This film is goin' to be lit!" Only to learn later that it was actually an advert. Well done to Circus Advertising, the agency behind this marvellous works!

Impact

It took Circus nine months to come up with a concept that would inevitably make Telkom the talk of the town again. Ultimately Changing the narrative of the sleeping giant that was at the centre of all news from my uncle, Walter who worked in the city or my own mother when she would call from Nairobi.

One week and a half since inception in the Kenyan market and media, Telkom is still ballin'. About eight and a half months since I became a Telkom Orange client, I must say, my communication partner is trending!

Enter the SGR!

Trending? I can't say the same of the Standard Gauge Railway - or as they later re-branded it (of course after a Caroline Mutoko rant on her YouTube channel) (https://youtu.be/qdaQySTHheY). -- 'Madaraka Express'!

Two weeks after the launch of the SGR, life was normal! Even on the day of the launch, the SGR did not disrupt our lives on the scale Telkom's advert has. Two weeks since the maiden ride, I haven't seen how the toilets of the train look like! Call me a lover of poop, but my friends, let's not forget how we who were brought up in Kibera - "Motherland" as we call her, would wake up and as you went about your life walking either to work or school and you would walk as if you were casting in the movie Avatar. Walking as if you are escaping arrows from the enemy. All in a bid to escape putting your clean shoes in someone's poop along the railway line. This was because people would poop in the toilets on the trains and everything would just come through(bazokizo style). You would basically see your kilo or so being left behind on the tracks for someone in the ghetto to miss or step into!

Back to Caroline's rant. Caro basically advised the President to consider inviting the selfie generation to the launch. From the look of things two weeks later, the generation of 'old youth' that seemed to dominate the maiden trip were the waru farmer from Kinangop and the old milk vendor from Cherengany telling TV reporters how they imagine their waru and milk will get to Mombasa and nothing coming from Mombasa in return!

The narrative of the SGR on that day was about taking people to and from Mombasa. Taking international cargo from Mombasa and then a couple of other counties taking their goods to Mombasa and coming back with money in their pockets. Nothing about how Mombasa will bring the salty fish from the Indian Ocean to Githunguri. Or the coconuts, or the kunazi, or the cashew nuts to my little cousin in Nangili! I didn't hear about that part of Madaraka Express.

For that person living in Utawala, there is no tangible hope in the universe that Madaraka Express will reach his/her neighbourhood. For my peeps in the 'Diaspora' (Ongata Rongai), you may as well keep getting used to Catalyst and other crazies charging you at least Ksh. 250 daily just for them to take you halfway your destination(Maasai Mall) and shaking you well just like a milkshake through the sidewalks until you get home with an almost dislocated hip.

Madaraka Express was supposed to shake up our lives. Cause a tremor in the country. Be on our lips weeks on end. But what happened, its narrative died a natural death a day after its launch!

How many pictures have I seen on social media since its launch? I can count with the fingers on my left hand alone! How much money was spent just on the launch day and on marketing? The number of zeros my little nephew cannot even fathom!

Oh and did I miss exactly how long it took for the over-hyped maiden ride to get to Syokimau!

Let alone the choice of colours for the 'historic train'!

SGR in my Life

Talking about Telkom's advert, I can tell Kenya and the world that after the maiden airing and publicity of the advert, Telkom's new slogan; Moving with You, made me realize just how Telkom had all over a sudden shown some initiative to tell me that they really intend to become an integral part of my everyday life once more.

That I was not being left behind as a user. That Telkom was going to be a part of my matatu ride to 'Motherland', my time at the barber's, my entertainment on my smart phone, my socialization, my business, my education and so much more.

On the other hand, with the launch, I realized just how far my life was going to be away from the SGR! Take it that we have as Kenyans accepted to be forced to commute to Syokimau just so as to enjoy a ride on the Madaraka Express. What that should tell you is that Madaraka Express is exactly 3 km away from your everyday life. As compared to my favourite ride to Mombasa on Simba Coach, I usually pay Ksh. 1,100 to Mombasa and then Ksh. 20 aboard a tuktuk to Tudor where I spend my days in Mombasa Raha. That is after paying Ksh. 50 from Kibera to Nairobi town. My total budget: Ksh. 2,400.

Let's talk SGR: Nairobi to Mombasa - Ksh. 700(taking it that the operatives will respect the President's order-longer, lest I remind you of what has happened to the 90 bob unga), Kibera to town - Ksh. 50, Miritini to Tudor aboard a tuktuk - Ksh. 600. My total budget: Ksh. 2,820. This is taking it that I don't have any suitcases that I have to pull through the crowded Tom Mboya street in order to get to Embassava Sacco matatus to get me to Syokimau. If I have those annoying suitcases, then I have to include about Ksh. 700 for Uber! That's a humongous budget!

I am still waiting for the launch of Madaraka Express because I still haven't seen how this overrated train service is providing an alternative to my noisy matatu rides. I am yet to know how this train service will become part of life in my neighbourhood. Nobody has told me how I am going to forebear the frustrating ride through the crazy traffic jam on Mombasa Road snaking into the CBD just to catch a crazily expensive ride to Mombasa.

Until that day when the launch finally happens, somebody please wake me up because I am adjusting my seat aboard my sweet Simba Coach on my way to Mombasa. Oh and they now have a nice huge TV screen for my entertainment. Meanwhile, let me watch two to three movies along the way, with nap breaks in between. I am love struck! Adios amigos!